Why Being Sensitive Has It's Plusses and Minuses

I'm going to start this out by saying that there are a lot of words here and not many pictures.  I know, blogger fail.  Sorry.  I will be sharing more pictures with you in future posts.  Just hear me out on this one.

Fact:  I'm hyper-sensitive.
Fact:  I have a tendency to take everything personally.
Fact:  I let my emotions get the best of me more than I'd like to admit.

I know these things about myself, and I've worked on them, but they still lingers like an asshole ex-boyfriend.  You know the type:  You have an ugly break up because you were so over it, he stays dormant (i.e. out of your life) for awhile, and just when you had all but forgotten about him, he calls you up and says he misses you.  Ugh.  Then you go back to him like an addict, only to realize that you have to kick the habit once and for all.  I'm at a place where I'm tired of my over-sensitivity circling back all the time, and I want to kick it out once and for all.  However, I just can't seem to pull the trigger.  I think it's just how I'm wired, and it will probably never change.

Being sensitive is great in certain aspects.  The ability to feel emotion makes you feel like you're living.  Those ups and downs show you that life has tremendous joy and sorrow, and experiencing those feelings is a necessary and fulfilling part of being here in this world.  I love to know what real happiness feels like.  I have, on the other hand, had my emotions come back to bite me in the ass.  I am a crier, and whenever I get really mad or frustrated, the water works begin.  I've cried at work, I've cried at inopportune moments where I was totally exposed and embarrassed, and I've cried over being in minor amounts of pain.  I try to contain my emotions to the best of my ability, but I'm not made of wood, people.  I let my feelings do the talking from time to time, and sometimes I wish I hadn't.

I haven't had good luck in my life with expressing emotion.  At times, I've let other people in and told them about things that are really personal to me.  Many of those times, I've heard crickets.  Literally, I got no response from my friends who supposedly cared about me, even though I was sharing important news, feelings and desires for my life that I wouldn't tell just anybody.  Those experiences left me feeling dejected, hurt, confused and standoffish, and I came to believe that no one other than my family wanted to hear about anything I was going through personally.  Maybe I haven't been blessed with friends who can handle those conversations, or maybe those "friends" I mentioned were straight-up bitches.  Who knows.  All I know is that I haven't always felt the support I needed to feel safe about sharing a lot of my personal struggles with people.

That's where this little blog comes in.  I started this blog around a year and a half ago as a place to document my husband and I's life together after we got married.  While that has been a part of it, my blog has also become a place to talk about other things that are important to me.  I will admit, I haven't been as personal on my blog as I would like.  Right now there's this push for honesty and transparency in blogging, and I admit that while I've never been dishonest, I haven't shared all of myself.  While I write a lot about things I love and where I'm happiest, I haven't written extensively about many of the real issues I think about and see daily.  Why?  The blogging world has some mean girls, and not everyone is as supportive as they seem to be.  However, there are also FAR more sweet and wonderful people who encourage and support you during your highs and lows.  Those people make THIS so rewarding.

As far as sharing everything goes, I've dipped a toe in the water, but shied away after feeling like I didn't get much support on heavier topics.  The cheerleader in me says I should keep trying and not give up, which is a very healthy attitude to have.  Another part of me is scared of letting people in again, and hoping that if I do, I won't be met with crickets.  See my struggle?  I'm being honest about it right here.

So, I'm making a commitment to share more of myself, and whatever happens, happens.  I want to be open here, in my little corner of the internet, and use my blog for what it should be used for.  My story.  My loves.  My life. (And all of the plusses and minuses in between.)

May Birchbox vs. Ipsy

Distractions.  They can be a bitch.  Sometimes I fully intend to do something, I really do.  I'm committed.  I'm focused.  I'm determined.  Then a new, shiny thing comes along and BAM, I get sidetracked.  I usually end up coming back to my initial task, but only after the shiny thing makes an exit.  It drives my husband crazy because I end up with a house full of unfinished projects.  Sorry, Hubs.

My latest bout with this involves Birchbox and Ipsy.  I fully intended on canceling those subscriptions since I wanted to narrow down my monthly expenditures, but I kept forgetting.  (Side note:  I swear I cancelled my Ipsy subscription, but I got charged and got my bag this month, so apparently I didn't.  Oops.)  My mind was on my new job, buying a house, traveling to see my sister and my parents, and all sorts of other important things.  I would always remember my thought about canceling those subscriptions while I was driving in my car or in a meeting at work, or some other place that didn't allow me to hop on a computer immediately to carry through on my commitment.  And, as I'm sure you guessed, I forgot all about this by the time I was in a position to actually do something about it.

I got my Birchbox and Ipsy bag last week, and I'm going to share them with you.  I just can't help myself.  This was an important month for both Ipsy and Birchbox for different reasons, so I'm happy to discuss.

Let's start with Birchbox...

Beauty Protector Protect & Detangle

Whish Shave Cream in Blueberry

Amika Oil Treatment

Amika Obliphica Nourishing Mask

Supergoop Daily Correct CC Cream

Isaac Mizrahi Eau de Parfum

This was a pretty decent box, but it didn't knock my socks off.  What I liked was getting 6 samples, proving that Birchbox isn't as stingy as they've seemed with past boxes.  Thanks for stepping it up, Birchbox!

I am glad to finally try the Beauty Protector spray, which supposedly acts like a leave-in conditioning spray that also detangles hair.  I don't need the detangling properties, but it smells nice.  And really, if it smells nice, I'll use it 'til the cows come home, regardless of whether it really improves my hair.  The only bad thing was that I had to pump the nozzle about 100 times before any product came out, nearly spraining my delicate, little finger.

The Amika hair products are alright.  I've gotten hair care products in several of my past boxes, but hey, I'm willing to give more a try.  I loved the Macadamia products that I discovered in a previous box, so maybe these will be even better.

The Whish shave cream is another product I've seen in other peoples'  boxes that I always wanted to try.  I'm a fan of moisturizing shave creams, which are far superior to those foaming gels that I always used to use.  The Whish shave cream has to beat out my beloved Bath and Body Works True Blue Spa Shave the Day cream in order to get a permanent place in my shower.  The Whish has a blueberry delightful scent, so perhaps it will get the edge.

I haven't yet tried the Supergoop CC cream, but all of the reviews I've read are stellar.  People say that it's far better than any BB cream or comparable CC cream on the market, and completely transforms your face.  You'd think this stuff cures cancer by the way people are talking about it.  We'll see about that.

Finally, a fragrance sample.  I don't have much of an opinion on the Fabulous perfume.  It smells oooookay, but I wouldn't buy it or wear it on a regular basis.

Overall, I received a bunch of products that have awesome reviews, so I'm a happy camper.  OH!!!  And I got one of the FREE Nuance Salma Hayek boxes filled with products from her new line at CVS.  Here's the box...

This box was just a bonus available to select members, so I'm thrilled to get it.  I've seen the Nuance products at CVS and always wondered what they were like.  Now I get to try them for free!

...On to Ipsy!

Mirabella Sheer Colors Lipstick in Pixie

Zoya Nail Polish in Jacqueline

Yaby Concealer in Buff

Juice Beauty Lip Gloss in Fig

St. Tropez Instant Glow Body Lotion

Even though I swear that I cancelled this subscription last month, I'm kind of glad that I got this bag.  This is the first month that Ipsy has given different bags to different subscribers, supposedly based on your beauty quiz results.  I love this idea.  Clearly this has not been perfected by Ipsy, though, because I got two products that I said I don't use on my quiz.  Hmph.  Those items are the St. Tropez bronzing lotion and the Mirabella lipstick, in a shade the company calls 'sheer coral'.  My beef with the lipstick is that it's orange.  Not coral, but traffic cone orange.  Barf.  Orange cosmetics don't look good on me, no matter how you spin it.  

Even though two items were duds, I really like the Zoya polish, which is a very, very pale yellow, and the Juice Beauty lip gloss, which is pretty neutral.  Both products fit my style well and will get a lot of wear.  The Yaby concealer isn't bad, but it's a hair dark for skin  tone.

After reviewing the threads about this month's bags on MakeupTalk.com, I was disappointed that I didn't get several products that others received.  While I like that Ipsy is "customizing" bags, it leaves open the possibility for bag jealousy.  Also, I didn't need two lip products in the same bag.  It was overkill, and there were other products they could have given me to diversify the bag.  Overall, this bag was decent, but not a home run.

After comparing both Birchbox and Ipsy this month, I can say that Birchbox has emerged victorious!  While  both boxes had their issues, I was just happier with the selection of items that Birchbox sent.  There are more products that I've been wanting to try, and honestly, it was less disappointing than the Ipsy bag.  Hopefully Ipsy does a better job of matching bags to quiz results in the future.

Do you get either of these subscriptions?

What did you think of yours this month?

That Time I Got an Endoscopy

Typically, when you start a new job, you don't really get time off for the first few months.  That means those first few months can be a killer, but eventually, you'll get to use that vacation time you've earned.  I can happily say that even though I started my new job four weeks ago, I had today off.  Yippy skippy!

It hasn't been all fun and games though.  I actually negotiated this day off with my boss before I was hired.  I've needed to get an endoscopy for my awful, disgusting acid reflux problem (anyone else have to deal with this mess??) since March, and a month ago, I was finally able to get it scheduled.  It was problematic that it fell within my first few weeks on the job, but my new bosses were understanding.  For that, I'm thankful.

In case you've never had one of these lovely procedures, it's where the doctor puts a scope down your throat and has a good, long look at your esophagus and stomach.  It sounds horrible, having some camera jammed down your throat, but they actually knock you out under general anesthesia while it's done.  You wake up in recovery with nary a memory of the experience.  Pretty awesome, right?  Eh, well, I just want to get to the bottom of my acid reflux issue badly enough to put up with this shizz.

I wasn't scared of the procedure at all (since I'd be sawing logs), but I was a nervous wreck about getting the IV.  The last time I got an IV, it hurt like holy hell and I had crazy bruises on my arm afterward that left me looking battered and abused.  The nurse who did it was pure evil.  This time, I warned the nurse that I was a big baby, so she called in reinforcements, in the form of two other nurses to hold my hand and distract me.  Thankfully, this nurse was MUCH better at putting in the IV and it didn't hurt too badly at all.  I was SO relieved, but was ready for it to be over.

After the procedure, I was way groggy, but I perked up a bit when my mom came back to see me in recovery.  She drove me home, and we stopped at one of my favorite local breakfast spots, Daily Eats, for some french toast and egg bowls.  I was starving and the tasty grub hit the spot.

I got to spend the rest of the day today with my mom and dad, which was fun because I never get to see them without Hubs or my sister around these days.  Not that that's a bad thing, it's just the way it goes once you're married.  In the afternoon, my mom and I needed something simple and mindless to do, so we went to get pedicures.  I can enjoy a pedi no matter how groggy I am!  My parents also had to drive me to my other doctor's appointment later in the afternoon, so I joked that they were playing chauffeur for the day.  I really loved being carted around town without having to think about traffic or worry about parking!

I'm anxious to get out and do things, but I've been told not to drive or make any important decisions for the rest of the day.  Womp, womp.  I guess that means I'll be spending the rest of my evening blogging!  Not such a bad deal, really.  Tomorrow I'm back to work, so I will relish a few more hours of free time while I can!

For Love of Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother's Day.  I know, I know, we were all busy loving on our mama's that day.  It was a bittersweet day in the Carruolo household, though.  While I was stoked that Hubs and I got to spend Mother's Day with my mom, one of my favorite people in the whole world, this was also our first Mother's Day without my dear mother-in-law, Jane.

Jane was a wonderful woman, and I've been thinking about her a lot lately.  Jane passed away in February after a long battle with Alzheimer's Disease, and to say that she is missed would be an understatement.  Jane was loved and adored by so, so many people, and Hubs, her only child, misses her the most.  She had kind eyes and a sweet, pure soul that comforted everyone around her.

Jane has been on my mind lately because I recently started working for a hospice organization, and I developed tremendous admiration for hospice nurses and volunteers after spending time with Jane in hospice.  Everyone took the best care of her, and it just reminds me how respected and loved she was, even in the last days of her life.  Hubs didn't say much about his mom on Mother's Day, but I knew he was hurting and I didn't pry.  I have learned over the years to let him manage his feelings in his own way, and I know that when he needs me, he'll let me know.

Thinking about our loss of Jane, I feel more grateful than ever to have my mom in my life.  She is a strong, smart, logical, silly and thoughtful woman, and I strive to be like her every single day.  She is a true drama-free zone, and she never lets anything ruffle her feathers.  I have no idea how she does it!!  I was not blessed with that gift, but other people think I was because I try to remain calm in times of stress.  I guess I just hide my freak-out moments well, but inside I'm a wreck!  I have seen my mom on her strongest and her weakest days, and she never ceases to amaze me.  My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, and after multiple lumpectomies, she had a double mastectomy that surely saved her life.  Thanks to catching the cancer early, I have my mom with me today, and hopefully for many years to come.  God is good!

On Sunday, my parents came to town and we went to one of my mom's favorite restaurants, J. Alexander's.  We stuffed ourselves on delicious food, then topped it all off with dessert.  It was a sinful food moment, if there ever was one.  We gave my mom a gift we knew she'd love:  a gift bag full of Aveda products!  She was thrilled, and I grinned from ear to ear.  I love when I can make my mom that happy!  Presents are nice, but the real gift was spending time together.  I am truly blessed to have such wonderful, generous parents.

Here's a little photo spread from our early bird dinner...

Hubs and I (pardon the cleavage)

The Best Parents EVER

Me and My Mom

Me and My Baby, Bella

Mum's Day Sangria (Mommy's Little Helper)

Overall, it was a lovely, spendiferous, superb Mother's Day and I couldn't ask for anything more.  Oh wait, I can ask for one thing.  I ask God to make me more like my mom.  She's really got her ish together and I hope to be that great of a mom to my kids someday.

Happy belated Mother's Day to all of my mom friends out there!

Gimme The Beat Boys...

I've never been a girl with many hobbies.  Sure, there are things I love to do, like shopping, scoping out beauty products and trying new restaurants, but they don't really qualify for hobby status.  It's not like scrapbooking, knitting, boating or playing adult league kickball.  I was recently talking to one of my coworkers when she asked me what my hobbies were.  I told her rather matter-of-factly that I don't really have many hobbies, but if I did do something that rose to that level, it would have to be going to concerts.  Amazingly enough, she said that was one of her hobbies too.  I can tell that we're going to be fast friends.

There's something about live music that makes me infinitely happy, and it's one of the things that Hubs and I first bonded over.  Heck, our first date was at a concert, and I've lost track of how many shows we've been to together over the years.  It's just one of our things.  He and I like very different types of music, but we both appreciate great musicianship and talent, so we are cool with seeing each others' shows.  It's one of the many reasons why we're perfect concert buddies.

As much as I love going to concerts, I've become much more selective in recent years about what shows I will pay to see and how much I'm willing to pay to see them.  For example, I've wanted to see Taylor Swift several times, but I just felt like her $75 nose-bleed seats were a bit of a rip-off.  I lurve some Taylor, but I'd like to see her for less.  I saw Weezer last November and paid $90 a ticket, and I considered that money well-spent since they were on my list of bands that I must see before I die (like a concert bucket list).  Hubs, however, disagreed and thought the price point was too high, so I had to find a friend to go with me.  No biggie, we had a blast.  I just dropped several hundred dollars on tickets to a couple of Dave Matthews Band shows this summer, but they're my favorite band of all time, so I can justify it.  It's all about choices when your concert budget is limited.  Then there's good ol' Justin Timberlake.  I am DYING to see JT, but I'm trying to convince myself that the $100-ish price tag is worth it.  Plus, I already saw JT once (he was hot and the show was ridiculously good, as per usual) so seeing him again would just be a bonus.  The moral of the story is that I'm totally willing to drop some cash on shows that are important to me, but I just can't spend that kind of moolah to watch someone lip sync (sorry, Britney Spears).  I want to see performers actually sing and play their instruments.  That's what live music is all about.

And it's not just about dropping big bucks to see bands or singers.  I also love to go to cheap concerts, like the $10 tickets I got to see a rock band called Fozzy tomorrow night.  (Big points to you if you know who Fozzy is.)  It's all about seeing shows that make my heart smile, regardless of the cost.

You see, everybody's got that somethin' that makes them feel good.  Makes them feel alive.  Soothes them to their core.  For me, that's music.  For you, it might be movies or books or an intense obsession with margaritas, and that's awesome.  I think everybody needs something that brings them that kind of joy.

That brings me to another point.  Music in general is so, so subjective.  What moves you may not be what moves me, but that's cool.  I don't judge people based on their musical preferences because it's just one more difference to celebrate.  The world would be extraordinarily boring if we all liked exactly the same things.  Just one request to put out into the universe, though:  Please don't trash the music I love to my face after I've told you what I'm into.  I wouldn't do that anyone, and I hate it when people do that to me.  I have one friend who NEVER misses a chance to tell me how much he thinks Dave Matthews Band sucks, and therefore he's always on my shit list.  Rude.  We should all respect other peoples' passions and follow the golden rule.

Whatever you love, whatever brings you happiness and contentment, celebrate it!

Outlet Mall Haul

Hiya ladies!!  Yesterday, I mentioned that my new job has given me a great excuse to go shopping.  It's true.  Not that I really needed much of an excuse to shop, but I like having some kind of reason nonetheless.  It just makes me feel so much less guilty!  And my husband is tired of me shopping just because I'm bored.

On my recent trip to the outlet mall for new work clothes and accessories, I made some buys that I just have to share.  While not super flashy, they're staples that will last me awhile and they're cute to boot.

My first purchase was from Off 5th (the Saks outlet), and I scored these black Coach loafers, which are perfect for my conservative work wardrobe.  Not only are they cute, but they're extremely comfy and go with pretty much everything.  Love.

My next purchases were from the Kate Spade Outlet, which is a must-visit store on any outlet shopping trip. I have gotten some great handbags from those stores over the years, and it's just as reliable as buying the items from the online sample sales or the regular KS retail stores and website.  I ALWAYS want something, without fail.  The day I was visiting the outlet, the whole store was 40% off, so I took some liberties and bought these babies...

Stud earrings and a long necklace

(Pardon my mess in the background)

The jewelry was awesome because it's silver, and KS doesn't really do a lot of silver jewelry these days.  I also love the polka dot tote bag, which perfect for hauling folders, my lunch, cell phone accessories, and my umbrella too and from the office.  I've used it every day and it's proving to be a fabulous investment.

So those were my favorite work related outlet purchases!  Lots of black and silver, but those are perfect when you work in a more conservative workplace.  I did also buy some work clothes on that shopping trip, but those are pretty boring by comparison.  You get to see the good stuff.

Have you made any special purchases lately?  

What are your favorite outlet stores?

My New Job Is...

I started my new job this week, y'all!  Yesterday was my first day, and I was sooo incredibly nervous as I drove into work.  I prayed that I would like everyone, that they'd like me and that I would feel like part of the team quickly.  I chugged some of coffee, ate a protein bar and gave myself a pep talk.  I can do this.  I'm good at my job.  This is the job I deserve.

When I arrived in the HR office, I was greeted warmly by two of the HR Assistants, and shown to my office.  It was there that I saw my "new" (former) boss, Steve, and my former VP, David, who gave me a big hug and told me how glad everyone was that I was there.  I let out an audible sigh of relief.  I was thrilled to be there and working with Steve and David again was just icing on the cake!

My first day was not without some hiccups, though.  My computer didn't show up, Steve and David spent most of the day in meetings and my other meet & greets were quick.  I spent a lot of time in my new office cleaning the desks and getting things organized, which was actually not a bad thing.  Oh, and at lunch, I dropped some rice on my shirt leaving a little stain.  Of course.  But you know what?  It was a great day.  I was back to work and happy to be productive again.

Day Two at my new job was also pretty awesome.  I finally got my technology hooked up, and my boss and I started talking more specifically about the organization and people.  I learned about the computer systems and read the employee handbook cover-to-cover (no, that wasn't a highlight, I'm not that big of a geek!).  Even after my second day, I have a wonderful feeling about this place!

I have thought long and hard about this new job, and what it means to be.  Besides the blanket answer of "everything", I've come up with a little list.

My new job is...

A brilliant excuse to go shopping (even if it is for work clothes and accessories)

A chance to reconnect with my two favorite former bosses EVER

An opportunity to meet new friends

An opportunity to have a big office again

An opportunity to get hooked up with work-appropriate tools (a laptop, a wireless card and a Blackberry)

A bigger paycheck (never hurts!)

A chance to work near some of my closest friends, so I will always have people to meet for lunch

A chance to feel good about the work I'm doing again

An opportunity to manage people

An opportunity to work for an organization that serves the community in a vital way

A chance to do the types of work that I really care about

One that gives me excellent benefits and tons of vacation time (thank you, healthcare industry!)


All good things!!  I'm feeling blessed right now, and I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings.  I just know that this is the right opportunity for me, and it couldn't have come at a better time.  Sometimes life is uncertain, but things always look up and make me feel thankful for the opportunities I have.  I'm a very happy Kari today!