Sunday, February 24, 2013

How I Snagged My Man

I'm one of those married girls who has LOTS of single girlfriends.  Like, an unusually large number of single friends, considering my age (I'm no spring chicken, as my mother says).  One thing my single girlfriends always ask me is how I met my husband.  Not just how I met him, but how I managed to fall in love with him and hang on to him.  Ah yes, a question for the ages.

When I was a single lass, I asked my married friends these questions all the time.  I didn't want to be single anymore, but I wasn't having luck in love at all.  My married friends gave me these nebulous answers, like "I dunno, we just clicked," "He was funny and I always go for funny guys" or "He liked me before I gained weight."  None of these answers helped me figure out how to get a decent guy.  Thanks but no thanks, ladies.

I remember thinking that I just needed to be me, and less like other girls.  It's like looking for a job, where you have to do something to set yourself apart from the other applicants.  No more trying to fit the mold or acting the way I thought someone would want me to act.  Surely someone who's tired of the typical dating game will find that attractive, right? 

I met my husband on eHarmony.com.  I was looking for a relationship, but not a husband, and there's a big difference, in my opinion.  I was looking to have a fun relationship, and opened myself up to the possibility of that being with someone other than the "perfect on paper" guy I'd always thought I wanted.  If I had set out looking for a husband, I may not have ever wanted to meet Hubs.  Hubs was one of the first guys I got matched with, and he checked many of the items on my must-have list, but not all of them.  I decided to meet him thinking he might be fun to date, and the rest is history.

But it's never really that simple, right?  Once you get the guy to go out with you, you have to hang on to him.  While I am by no means an expert in relationships and dating, I think the things I've learned could help someone out.  Here are a few things I did that helped me snag my man.

Don't Hate, Appreciate
What to men appreciate?  Beer.  Music.  Video games.  Food.  Sleeping.  Their cars.  Nookie, in all of it's glorious forms.  Opening doors for women, and occasionally buying flowers.  Allow a guy to to be a guy, and don't try to change him.  Learn to appreciate (even if you don't truly love) all of the things he really cares about, and you will win his heart.  No guy wants a chick who doesn't let him sleep in on a Saturday or expects to have every date paid for in perpetuity.  Real relationships are partnerships, so you have to give him what he needs while trying to ensure your needs are met too.  Also, don't get pissy when he tries to do nice things for you (take you out on special dates, hold doors open for you, give you their coats when you get cold).  We know you're a modern woman who can take care of herself, but c'mon.  It makes men feel like real men when they do these things, so just sit back and enjoy the chivalry.

Don't Get Needy
Men do not want to put up with a girl who whines incessantly, one who is always asking him if he thinks she looks okay in her outfit.  Men don't know how to handle this issue with asking how we look.  Does the guy be honest and risk hurting feelings or lie and feel like an ass for telling you a fib?  Don't put your man in that position.  Men also do not want a girl who calls him too much or bugs his friends for information on his whereabouts.  Don't be that girl.

Be Natural
Guys don't want to go to bed with a chick who looks really hot but looks completely different in the morning when the make-up comes off.  While it's fun to amp up the make-up for a special occasion, keep your regular look natural and clean.  Let him see what you really look like and he'll appreciate it.  This goes along with not being high-maintenance.

Don't Fight Over Stupid Things
That's right, no picking fights over his bad habits of not rinsing dishes before he puts them in the dishwasher, not cleaning empty bottles and cans out of his car everyday or using more than one pump of handsoap when he washes his hands.  Those things are really not important.  Pick your battles and you'll be better off.

Dress The Way I Want To Dress
Men appreciate a girl with her own sense of style, as long as "schlumpy" is not her style.  Put some effort into looking cute, but do it your way.  Don't look like a cookie cutter version of every other chick he sees out on a Friday night, because he can get that anywhere.  He will appreciate your own confidence in wearing what you feel comfortable and happy in.

Some of these things may be common sense to some people, but you'd be surprised how many people fall into these traps.  In addition to these things, I also gave him reasons to say, "Wow, that woman would be a great mother to my children" and "This woman is a contributor in our relationship."  I've never asked more of him than I'd be willing to give in his shoes, and I always let him know how much I love and value him. 

My husband and I are fortunate enough to be very compatible to begin with, so that helps greatly.  Besides some occasional bickering, we have only ever had a few heated discussions, and have still not had a big, huge, nasty fight.  We will someday, I'm sure, but I'm glad that our 4-1/2 years together have been peaceful and harmonious. 

For those of you who have also managed to maintain successful relationships, what were some of your qualities that helped you get your guy??

1 comment:

Nichole said...

Love this post, Kari! I was twenty-three when I met J and was used to Dbags and mind games. Pretty early on, Jason let me know he wasn't a drama dude. It took me a while (hey, I was young!) but being ourselves was key, and still is :)


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I'm a wife, daughter and amazing twin sister. I'm a mom to my adorable dog, Bella. Loves: Shopping, cooking, baking, good grammar and Dave Matthews Band. I'm also a Bath and Body Works addict, a Michigan State Spartans fanatic, and an iPhone aficionado. I see beauty in simple things and little things make me ever-so-happy. Welcome to my world!


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