Hola, aloha, bienvenidos, ciao and hi!
It feel like such an absentee blogger as of late, but I know that this whole thing is a function of my life's circumstances right now. Thanks for bearing with me!
I have been absolutely swamped over the past two months, with every single weekend being booked with activities and my weeks packed with work, conferences and commitments. I'm exhausted, to say the least, and it's a miracle that I've been able to keep up with everything.
This weekend marks a turning point for me. I purposely planned to have most of my traveling, big commitments and such completed by the end of June so I could have all of July and August to prepare for our baby's impending arrival. After I got back from my conference and had my second (but not my last) 4D ultrasound, it was mostly over. We're now in the downhill slide to baby's arrival!
We only have a few things planned for this week, but July is shaping up to be a much quieter time. My Hubby's birthday and my baby shower are in early/mid July, but that's it. The rest of the month will be dedicated to baby stuff and getting our life in order for this tremendous change. Holy mother of pearl, I can't believe she's going to be here in 2 short months (or less!!).
To be honest, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by my to-do list right now, which is growing by the day. I also feel extremely tired, which is apparently a cornerstone of the third trimester of pregnancy. What great timing! Ha.
Anyway, I realize that part of the reason I'm feeling so exhausted and run-down is because I've been over-doing things in the past month. By being on the go A LOT and not resting or taking care of myself enough, I've probably just made the exhaustion and feelings of being overwhelmed worse.
My problem is that I have trouble slowing down. Throughout my life, whenever I've taken time to feel better, rejuvenate, or relax, it's always been met by someone being snarky and joking about me being "lazy". Many times growing up, this was my family. For example, until my pregnancy, I'd always been someone who needed more sleep than some other people do. (Since being pregnant, this has changed and I don't sleep nearly as much anymore.) My family always liked to point out how "lazy" I was for sleeping in on the weekends or needing a nap after a stressful day. I was always hurt by this, since I knew I wasn't being a lazy, shiftless oaf, but rather trying to do what was necessary to keep me functioning like a normal human being. As I got older, I learned to push myself through those periods of exhaustion, so although I'd sleep in on weekends (unapologetically, thankyouverymuch), I never napped anymore. I also learned to keep up with many commitments and just work my tail off. To me, I did this so that no one could ever say I was being "lazy", even though those words would occasionally (and still do) pop out of my mom and sister's mouths from time to time. Ugh. It's like nails on a chalkboard at this point in my life. My inability to slow down, whether its in planning or participating in activities or at work, is a product of my need to show people that I'm doing my part. It's me, waiting a big flag and saying, "See?!? This is me NOT BEING LAZY!!!"
My problem is that at 31.5 weeks pregnant, my lack of willingness to slow down has only made me more tired and more overwhelmed, due to everything from a massive to-do list to anxiety, excitement and wonder about my changing body and life. I'm having to learn to delegate tasks to people in a way I've never had to before just to keep sane. Sometimes it hurts because I want to do certain things myself. Other times, it feels like relief. I'm still learning how to balance these feelings, and it's not as easy as I thought it would be. As a working mom, I know that delegating to a husband or my employees will be a critical skill, so I need to hone it now, before my little one arrives and even more stress enters my life.
Truth be told, even though I'm winding down my external activities in preparation for having my baby, other aspects of my life, those on the baby front, are ramping up. I've got a nursery to decorate, tons of baby things to buy, a house to clean, and a dog, car, home and hubby to tend to. Life isn't really going to slow down, but all of those outside commitments are being put on hold while I focus on bigger and more important things.
So here's to June. You were a slave driver and kicked my butt. Cheers.
July, I'm ready for you, but go easy on me. I need a few breaks and a little TLC. Huggy smoocho.